Solution-Building™: The Rules, Part 4

In this post, we will begin to address the third Guideline of Solution-Building, one based on the principle of courtesy:

Guideline Number Three:
Treat everyone in the group with courtesy and respect.

This should be a no-brainer, right? Unfortunately, that is often not the way people act with and towards each other. 

There are many types of negative behavior we encounter in the workplace. These are generally defined as behaviors that go outside the boundaries of expected behaviors in the workplace. Each workplace has its own expectations of behavior but when an employee goes outside those expectations, the effect is usually detrimental to performance.

One of the most damaging of negative behaviors is discourteous and disrespectful behavior of one or more of the employees towards others in the organization. Disrespect can take many forms, some subtle but many quite overt. The overt behaviors I have seen have been yelling, name-calling, insults, sneering at statements made by others, nasty and demeaning emails, and interrupting others during meetings. The subtler include eye-rolling, facial expressions, the various undermining of others by backbiting, and ignoring colleagues by being on the phone or computer. There are plenty of other examples of both types of disrespectful behavior, but that list is a good starting point. Such behaviors are not just disruptive to meetings but causes them, in many cases, to be unproductive and negatively affects morale among all employees. The task of the leader is to stop such behavior.

But there is a much wider issue with disrespectful behavior. There is a body of research that tells us that incivility in the workplace costs companies dearly in terms of productivity, with significant proportions of employees reporting decreased time at work, decreased performance on the job, and significant loss of commitment to the success of the organization. This also translates into erosion in customer relations, accompanied by a direct effect on the bottom line. This phenomenon is not limited to employees, either. Insensitive and abusive managers alienate their staff, causing the same set of problems, and create significant headaches for the HR department as well. 

In an excellent TED talk, Christine Porath summarizes her research over the last two decades into the issue of uncivil behavior in the work place. She pulls no punches as she talks about the problems such behavior causes throughout an organization. She also makes it clear that treating each other with respect has significant benefit to all concerned, from employees to managers to senior executives. You can access the talk via this link to hear Dr. Porath’s summary.

There is, of course, another aspect of disrespectful and discourteous behavior: it breeds the same behavior in return. This in turn can become an ever escalating cycle of negative behaviors. Then, rather than working together, we see people spending more time on insults and one-upmanship than on solving problems or reaching decisions effectively.

Even if the discourtesy is between only two members of a team it affects the others. The unpleasant experience of being in a room in which two people are at each other’s throats is not only distressing to many but also makes them drop out of further involvement with the group. 

Porath’s research shows that those ostensibly uninvolved employees also show a decrease in quantity and quality of work, reduced commitment to the organization, increased absenteeism, and other signs of stress-induced underperformance. 

Think about this for a moment: do you want to work with someone who is disrespectful to others, even if not to you directly? Would you trust them not to direct that behavior toward you as well? Do you think they will even listen to anything anyone says, especially if it does not directly support their position? How would you feel if they directed that behavior at you? 

As you look at the lack of civility in public life, do you see any positive value from it?

I am not trying to imply that we should all function in a new-age, let’s-all-smell-the-flowers-together love-fest. There has to be an exchange of ideas and discussion that will inevitably involve some forms of disagreements as we iterate towards truth, towards effect solutions. Sometimes those disagreements can become vehement and even loud. But if we do function with a unified attitude of courtesy and respect towards one another, those disagreements can focus on the merits, or faults, of the ideas and not reflect back on the persons who offer them. 

There is an interesting phenomenon that arises from maintaining and even expanding courtesy and respect to one another. It is returned, and ultimately can lead to friendship as people learn to listen to each other and see each other’s strengths. They will discover common interests and, if they truly listen, learn from each other. 

Not likely? Visit LivingRoom Conversations and see what happens when people you may think could not even be in the same room with each other actually sit down and have civil and courteous conversations about their mutual concerns and desires. The people who have participated in such conversations discover that we are far more alike than different, no matter what our individual philosophies may be.

Courtesy is one of the glues that holds our society together. 

This series of essays is about introducing the principles of Solution-Building® to your organization. Part of that topic is how you can implement those principles. The next entry in this series will discuss how we bring Guideline number 3 into the process.